3 simple ways to root out white supremacy in customer service
The normalized use of “Sir” or “Ma’am” under the guise of respect is a form of white supremacy. We can achieve better outcomes with empathy.
(I am intentionally using “Sir/Ma’am” gender binary construct to illustrate some key points. I believe we should retire the use of these toxic gender binary titles).
Think about the time you were at a fancy restaurant and you were called “Madam/Sir”. I bet you felt great. Reflect upon why you felt that way. What was it about that experience that made you feel great?
We like to be taken care of. We like to be treated like VIPs. I admit I love it too.
Let’s do a simple exercise. Read the statements in quotes as if a waiter is telling that to you. “Hello Sir/Ma’am how are you doing? I am here to serve you.” That likely felt good. It is because in those moments we get to feel superior, more important than others, we feel “othered” in a more desirable way.
Normalization of superiority has been conditioned over generations by royalty, clergy, colonizers, and the white ruling classes. It was table stakes when interacting with them. If people wanted to have a relatively comfortable life, a stable income, and some influence you had to play their game.
Normalizing subservience is one of the essential tools of maintaining white supremacy. It is a way to train the oppressed majority to believe that they are inferior and serving the ruling class is a way to find meaning. The extremely popular PBS TV show Downton Abbey illustrates this point most effectively. A key value proposition of the show is to demonstrate the subservience relationship dynamics.
Even the origin of “VIP” (Very Important Person) is based on the supremacy of the privileged and oppressing class. It was used as code for high ranking military officials who were part of the royal family (like Lord Mountbatten). We now pay extra to get the “VIP treatment”. We pay extra to feel superior.
For generations, subservience is used as a key tool in customer service. It is explained away as a form of respect.
We can demonstrate respect without subservience.
Customer service professionals often use subservient language and behaviors to garner favor with their customer. I have done it as well. The subservient action implies that the customer is superior. We all have seen the memes where a white person is asking to speak to the manager. Even today, a person can lose their job if they do not behave subserviently toward the customer.
I am not saying we treat people like shit. Customer service can be a pleasant experience as equals. Both parties can feel great about the experience. It does not require subservience. Next time you call a customer service call center, listen to the words and tone carefully. You may notice subservience. It is still prevalent in our businesses, government, military, and communities.
Good news is we can stop the supremacy based roleplaying. There is something that already delivers better outcomes when it comes to customer service than the superior/subservient based version.
Relationship based customer service delivers far better outcomes.
Relationship based customer service isn’t a new concept. People have found success with relationship based companies. Starbucks baristas have done this well; bartenders excel at it. Simply put, relationship based customer service is truly understanding your customer. It is using the power of empathy to understand your customer and actually feel how they feel. This does not require subservience. It is an equitable act for all parties involved. The feeling of being understood is immensely more valued than the feeling of superiority.
Bartenders know their regulars, they know their customer’s stories. They build a relationship as equals. Think about an experience where someone who understood you provided some service to you. I bet you had a more memorable experience than interactions based on subservience.
The feeling of superiority plays at our insecurities. Feeling understood makes us feel secure.
We have to be anti-supremacist. Here are 3 easy ways you can actively root out white supremacy in customer service:
- Stop using Sir/Ma’am titles.
- When you experience others practicing subservience in customer service, address it with love and empathy — especially if you are the customer.
- Work on building your empathy superpower. Empower your customer service teams with tools to build empathy.
Some of the best ways to superpower your customer service through empathy is by getting an empathy coach for yourself and your team, asking your teams to play the role of the customer to understand their perspective, and use an Empathy Gym platform like Jaago at your organization.
Let us work to create a world where people seek to understand one another and treat others as equals.
